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One look, one intention to see you come along, to me, to this thing I call home. Never knowing, not forth going these questions in my head. Feelings are lingering through every breathe I take, for all I know, this is a mistake. For once its there, what do I do. Once this is resolved, am I questioned a fool. The reasons seem clear as day but I just tuck it under in dismay. Love in the wrong or love for everlasting is this question again. Love me, are you really? Or is this just an aspiration, a quest or moral being, living for you knowing what lies and just let it just be said... it’s this everyday I frighten my weary head. No worrying, no obligations to be something else. Just living your dream, it’s your life, you deserve much more, something else. More love, more caring, more reasons of being unlocking this numb feeling. Energy flowing through but none receiving. I just have to beat this block I built around me. Triumph my way to this, wherever you are hiding, to stop this painful waiting. I need so much from you, I’ve never had before. The intention again this to look past the wall I built. Over to this heaven that I have never seen. Have you not seen my pain and suffering through these lonely eyes tell a story of unspoken ways, a story that I do not know the ending too. A way of self-expression a way to this dark hole of misunderstandings and one dwelling cry of my soul. I write to free my head from feelings of sadness, feelings of being with and without you. Everything seems cluttered and the door ways are locked. Love for yourself and be happy is not something that just pops spiritedly. Lost souls trying to disconnect cannot see forth wonder of my dreams coming into tact. Years leading to older self and even more confusing distinctions. Do you worry about everything or pass each day with the blessing of being able to be here to make whatever difference one can. People don’t realize what they have, what there worth, the personal respect, ones dreams go down in flames, into there pores, they sweat out the lies they try to disguise. Trying to be in the not knowing, thinking you’re the only one standing, on a limb of no-more green leafs, on a dream that you’ve succeeded. The visions are not clear to the mind; the relations have turned into crime. Losing respect for people that love you, losing everything you once tried so hard for. It’s the way of a cult. Its your way you humble and display. Going on with no-self beliefs, the joy you’ve lost cannot be retrieved. A spiral down these colliding walls burn intensely. being shunned; ones heart grows to fail, your beat holds still. I’m dying away, can’t save me, and can’t restore my insides of doubt and sins. There way to drawn in, they are never going to go away. Can’t you see what the hell is wrong with me. Help, help…. Reach out, I need you. To late, too late. The path to your redemption has seen no light to breathe. The help you seek will not be succeed. Go down, go down the way has shown red. The mind you’ve once carried has hovered to dark meadows. My love that I’ve shown you will never save you. I cannot believe this is happening to you. My insides scream out and you just slumber to recycled waste. Now, I know all I care has no receptive signs. I lay here thinking all has crumbled and all is gone. Thoughtless, anxious, sadness all hope. The ones whom live away there ambitious… resulting in there fears which never seem to disappear… The heart ache they say has painted my world in sight disarray Knowing the weaknesses you try to hide All the stupid ways to live your life in a lie Visions come clear and all seems to be alright Then the doubt sinks in and the questions “Are you right?” First intuition they say is the way Stepping over the glass and forgetting ones past Looking for a sign, signal from above Lord, if you may, may I find peace beyond the rays of illusion Over my constructing confusion Pretending, overlooking, not believing what ones thinking The colliding of pain one holds drives the ugly bashing inside Bleeding, needing ones love, a helping hand There you are beyond all the blackness Feeling enlighten, over jealous, fully together The ways have shown you what strengths you’ve accomplished Ready for the next adventure, awaiting you Knowing why, knowing whom, not assuming, no reason Going with the flow, with the hand the lord gave me May I rest, may I dream this awaken theme May I dance, may I romance all these wild intuitions May I love, may I receive Hand to hand, I do believe In you, in me, in everything I lacked before The hope saved my tear stuck eyes Icy, lonely, afraid no more inside Calmed into cradled arms of love you’ve given to me Resting the disbeliefs I had within To you, to me, thank you for belief Thank you for the ways I perceive me now Higher than ever, love let us splendor Every person’s everyday mental pleading Please help this sickness we portray to be not ourselves Let all be free and one inside With all emotions evolving into a pile Layer by layer one loses themselves through these blinding views Trying to be one and be strong all around The need, longing, tower of bad choices Not hearing your own views, listening to the right choices Over viewing the reality, head down all wisdom aside your life has just fallen into your own discomfort, your fears have taken over all justice and all you needed was a smile, a glance, Maybe that second chance to be one to be you with , no words to say how much hatred one dealt with mainly on oneself, why consult, I’ve been the angry one here, what’s wrong with the walls I built to not let you hurt me, hurt me, the one you believe to be in love with. The control has fallen from your broken gasping hands no more holding tight to me, I can stand on my own two feet. I’ve evolved to your worst nightmare, me, yes, me, my own feelings, my own ideas , my own fun, my own views. Not feeling guilty to be just as I am. Me Let the goodness in babe, all will be alright, nightly night The cold ways you let people over ride what’s most important, you Change, change, disarrange, what matters, what comes to be Learning to be free, with shingles of love and debris, now evermore a signal appears, can you see, can you breathe in this lightness perception, hope array, smiles distinction, the good verses bad, the mourning the suffering.. See past all lies and negativity and come free with me to launder along, let this be achieved, let all be received with love and belief- till end let this be- Always writing about the sadness, always portraying my never meeting needing, in disbelief you are really out there Today I take these negative views and live and live like I have never before, Happily These things do happen to us, light of a touch so humble so much a must I love this free willing, never knowing, spontaneous adventure that I have taken on. Finally a version in these saddened eyes that comes clear and in vision.. I write to you, I write of all things you’ve shown me and given to me respectively, you.. my empty has been fulfilled and my life will never be as before. I know now where my path fluctuates; know now where I need to be. I your arms, here within me. 12/02 My father just starts screaming at me because he says I’m scaring the cats… why I don’t know? My music? My music? Maybe or is it just the loud talking, everyone portrays me as crazy, or is it that living is within me and all the games and no-bull scares people- ya, what the hell , we only get to love the ones we love once and from that time to now… I love you all and would do anything to make YOU smile… take all the sadness out as much as I can.. I just do not understand why, why? People, People go on and on, faking there true intents on views , beliefs and judgments on life.. be free be one be happy to be you and be happy to out lash all possibilities…. You have all the ambition in you, just do not look at the negative forces pulling your every dream down into the dirt... deepening down, down – What the world has, what the world itself possesses has all the colors of your inner child within.. All you have to do is believe and never give into the demons of your self-concised ways, there are other methods to be , to be free inside, within , to love ,to mend… to end- with the intentions to have overran all whom dismayed to be. One, complete, Individual, YOU 12-11-02 There’s a conceiving way to judge and be judged, feelings of resentment & distrust. I’ve been there for the ones I care about and the sad thing is most of these individuals feedback is lack of, putting me in a position, a realization that real genuine friends are few and far between. Living in a small town with small town talk and actuations, coward ways and following everyone else, come on people where is your self-pride, always hiding – afraid of your own thoughts, actions Scared to be yourself, despite the torture of not being you, one with yourself and not caring what others, others, have to say about you… Being strong, being true, the best quality in making something out of this crazy world one word, one action can make others stop and think “I can do this” stand on my own.. stand alone. Everything starts to make so much sense. The whole world looks brighter and more truth will fulfill all dreams. |
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